Remembering Dead Loved Ones: 25 Ideas That Last

The shape of remembering

There is no single right way to remember a person who has died. Some families plant a tree. Some make a memorial plaque. Some light a candle on the anniversary. Some keep a private ritual, like a favorite meal on the birthday, that no one outside the family knows about. What matters is that the act is specific to the person and sustainable for the people who do it.

This page is a working list of 25 ideas for remembering dead loved ones. It is organized into the broad categories families tend to use, physical memorials, rituals, places, and stories, with practical notes on what each one takes to do well.

Physical memorials

A physical memorial is a thing in a place. It has a name, a date, sometimes an inscription. It is the most common form of remembering because it is concrete and permanent.

1. A memorial plaque. A small bronze, aluminum, or stone plaque with a name, a date, and a short inscription. Can be mounted on a bench, a wall, a tree, or a garden stone. Cost: $50 to $500. Time: 2 to 6 weeks.

2. A garden stone. A polished river stone or a small engraved stone, set into a garden or a flowerbed. Cost: $30 to $200.

3. A memorial bench. A bench in a park, a garden, or a cemetery, with a plaque on the backrest. Cost: $400 to $2,000 installed, plus a maintenance agreement with the property owner.

4. A memorial tree. A tree planted in a park, a garden, or a backyard. Most municipalities have a “memorial tree” program with a small plaque at the base. Cost: $100 to $500.

5. A brick or paver. An engraved brick or paver in a memorial walkway or a community garden. Cost: $50 to $300.

6. A gravestone or marker. The most traditional physical memorial. Cost: $400 to $12,000 installed.

7. A memorial garden or corner. A defined space in a yard or a community garden, with a few elements: a bench, a stone, a planting, a small plaque. Cost: $500 to $5,000.

8. A piece of jewelry. A pendant, a ring, or a charm with the person’s name, a fingerprint, or a small amount of cremation ashes. Cost: $100 to $1,500.

9. A piece of art. A custom painting, a portrait, a sculpture, or a glass piece. Cost: $200 to $5,000.

10. A piece of furniture. A small table, a chair, or a bookcase built with wood from a meaningful place (a tree on the property, a piece of a childhood home). Cost: $500 to $5,000.

Rituals and acts

A ritual is an act done at a regular time, often with other people. The act is the point; the object is secondary.

11. A candle on the anniversary. A single candle, lit at a specific time on the death date or the birthday. Many families do this privately.

12. A favorite meal on the birthday. The person’s favorite meal, prepared on their birthday, often shared with the people who knew them.

13. A toast on the death date. A glass raised to the person on the date they died, usually at dinner.

14. A visit to the grave on a regular day. A standing appointment, often on the first Sunday of the month or on a specific holiday.

15. A release of balloons, lanterns, or paper boats. A small gathering with a written note attached to each balloon or lantern. Many local ordinances restrict balloon releases, so check first.

16. A walk or a hike in a meaningful place. A regular walk to a place that mattered to the person, a park, a beach, a mountain, a neighborhood.

17. A named event. A gathering, a run, a concert, or a fundraiser held annually in the person’s name. Most start as a one-time event and grow.

18. A scholarship or an award in their name. A small scholarship, given annually to a student in the field they cared about. Cost: $500 to $5,000 per year.

19. A bench dedication in a public place. A bench in a park, a library, or a transit station, with a plaque. Cost: $1,000 to $5,000.

Places

Some families choose a place to go, a destination that holds the person’s memory.

20. A named star or a named geographic feature. Services like International Star Registry let you name a star. It is symbolic, not scientific, but some families find meaning in it. Cost: $50 to $200.

21. A plot of memorial trees in a forest. Some charities plant a tree for each $20 to $50 donated, in a named forest. The person’s name is included in a registry. Cost: $20 to $50 per tree.

22. A permanent plaque in a meaningful place. A plaque on a park bench, a building cornerstone, a library table, or a stadium seat. Cost: $200 to $2,000.

23. A memorial reef or a memorial dive. A weighted plaque or a memorial structure placed in a body of water, for divers. Cost: $200 to $1,500.

Stories and records

Some families focus on preserving the person’s story rather than a place or an object.

24. A written memoir or a tribute book. A short book, usually 30 to 100 pages, written by the family, with photos, stories, and short remembrances. The book is printed in a small run (often 20 to 50 copies) and shared with the family. Cost: $500 to $5,000.

25. A video tribute or a recorded oral history. A video interview with the family or with the person themselves, recorded before they died. Some families use a professional videographer; some use a phone and a tripod. The result is a digital file that can be shared and re-watched.

What makes a memorial last

A few rules of thumb, drawn from the families and the memorial professionals who have done this many times.

• Specific is more durable than generic. “The bench by the oak tree where we used to have picnics” is more durable than “in loving memory.”
• Small is more sustainable than large. A small ritual done annually lasts longer than a large project done once.
• Shared is more durable than private. A memorial that involves other people tends to last longer than a memorial kept entirely private.
• The person, not the grief. The most long-lasting memorials are about the life that was lived, not the loss that was felt.

Frequently asked questions

References

1. IMPACT Signs memorial ideas for loss
2. Rustic & Main 12 ways to memorialize a loved one
3. Heal Grief 30 ideas to remember and honor a person
4. Grief Watch coping with a loved one’s death anniversary
5. CaringBridge 9 ways to remember a loved one who has passed